Into the dark
by SassyJ
Summary: AU Things went wrong at the farm, Ari and Kate face a struggle for survival.
1. Chapter 1

_God, if you get us out of this... I know I don't pray often enough, but... please... please let us live. Give him another chance._ She wrapped her frozen arms tighter round him. She could barely feel her fingers, but she wasn't going to lose her grip. She closed her eyes and prayed with everything she had.

xoxoxox

It had all gone wrong at the farm. He had shot Marta as he planned, and told Kate who he was. Just as she was ringing Gibbs, Hamid showed up.

Ari had known that Hamid was jealous of his position, deep down the man was a sadist. And Hamid had back up. Surrounded, outnumbered and out gunned, Ari and Kate had no choice but to surrender.

Forced into the back of Hamid's van, their hands bound, Kate's eyes were filled with fear. There was nothing Ari could do about it. He eased close to Kate, "I'm sorry." He whispered.

She smiled nervously. He started to feel a tinge of real guilt. He'd dragged her into his plans, and now she would probably die. He hated that she was caught up in this.

The van stopped. The doors opened and Kate and Ari were dragged out. It was some sort of abandoned industrial space. Their bonds were cut through and they were forced towards a large hatchway.

Hamid smirked, "your accommodation awaits..." a gun prodded Ari in the back, he hesitated, _if there is some way to get Caitlin out of this_.

"Move..." A gun at Kate's head. Ari reluctantly climbed down into the tank. Kate followed.

"Goodbye, my friends. I have left you some breathing apparatus. Who lives or dies is up to you."

Protest was useless, they wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Hamid shrugged.

The hatch clanged shut, the light sucked out leaving them alone in the velvet black. Her quivering fingers reached out, seeking the reassurance of his presence. Their hands bumped in the darkness and his strong fingers closed over her slight ones, stilling the trembling. She felt a surge of confidence, which evaporated rapidly when she heard the rushing of water.

An icy coldness sloshed round their feet, dropping the temperature in the space even lower.

"The water's rising."

She felt him turn round, search the boundary of their prison for the breathing kit that their tormentor had left them. One only.

"Put this on." His hand reached for her again.

"Ari, no!" she grasped his hand. "What about you?"

"I'll be fine!" she knew he was lying. He knew that he was lying. The water rose higher, the intensity of the cold was making him shiver. It was knee high already, even higher on Kate. She was freezing, quickly he stripped off his jacket, and wrapped it round her, forcing it on her when she protested. It would be soaked, but another layer should help.

"Kate, you're freezing. I'm okay." The cold was seeping into his bones. He clenched his jaw until it ached to still the chattering of his teeth. She was compliant now, but she could change quickly, that soft heart of hers, seeking to protect.

He pulled the aqualung up behind her, helping her put it on. She protested again, but he was relentless. _Take it. You have to take it, if you don't all of this will be in vain._

"Ari!" She paused, refusing to allow him to pull the mask down over her face. "What will you do?"

_The truth. I don't know. I'm taking the risk of my life..._ Suddenly he saw his risk taking for what it was, a way to avoid the harsh realities of his existence. Until Kate, he had never cared about danger_._ Until this woman had challenged him, and his heart cried out to possess her.

He told her then what was going to happen, explaining that the cold would be his salvation; the shivering of her body intensified as she took in what he was saying.

"**Ari, noooooooo!**" she sobbed, the enclosed space seemed smaller and smaller. "No, I won't let you, we'll share this thing and the team, they will find us." Clinging at straws, desperate.

"Caitlin, it's no good. We both know they could take hours to find us, and you have to have some kind of chance. If I drown... you can get them to bring me back. But not if we both die." For the first time in his life he felt terrified, he wrapped his arms tight around her. "Caitlin promise me... promise me you'll live."

The intensity of feeling shocked her into answering. "Ari, I promise." She put her hand up and stroked his cheek. "I promise."

"I was afraid of the dark as a child." She said, shaky laugh, the cold was biting. He started to talk to her about his childhood in Tel Aviv, voice shaking with emotion and the pain of the cold, as though somehow he could make a record of himself before time ran out. Kate held him close and listened without interruption, even though her soul was being torn apart.

The water rose higher, almost up to Kate's chin. It was time, and there were no other options.

He gently kissed her, a wealth of love and sorrow in that kiss. _Goodbye Caitlin. Do it quickly before you change your mind._ He knelt before her, and the water closed over his head. He wrapped his arms around her waist, locking his hands tightly into her belt, cheek pressed against her abdomen. Then let go, his body jerked and shuddered as his lungs filled with water. Kate held him tightly as he drowned in her arms.

Finally he was still.

_God, give us a chance... don't take his life away now! Please... someone find us before it's too late_.

Hands lifted Kate. She was too numb with cold and shock to speak. They pulled the limp body from the chamber, laid him flat on his back.

Blankets were being put around her, and people were talking at her, but Kate could not tear her eyes away from Ari's body. The brown eyes were half open, sightless, staring at nothing.

"He's gone." The matter of fact tone of the paramedic wrenched a whimper from deep inside Kate.

Gibbs turned, and caught sight of the tear that slid down Kate's cheek. He started CPR, kneeling on the frozen ground, not willing to give up for Kate's sake.

Five times they shocked his body, trying to get a pulse, five times they failed. They would have abandoned the effort then, but Gibbs made them give it one more try. For Kate.

Midnight, ICU, dark and deserted apart from one occupant. Anxious watchers waiting for a sign, any movement. The quiet and insistent beep of machinery, the breathing apparatus, moving up and down, doing his breathing for him.

"There is brain activity, which is good. But unless he starts breathing on his own, I put his chances of survival at about 5%. The next 24 hours are crucial. If he starts to breathe on his own, his chances will improve, but each day that passes will decrease his long term prospects." The doctor didn't want to be cruel, but he felt the expectations of the patient's friends were too high. _Best prepare them_.

"Ari is a fighter. He wouldn't just give up." The young woman who had been trapped with patient glared at the doctor.

Kate settled herself in the chair, with a defiant stare at Gibbs. "I'm not leaving him."

Gibbs glanced at Tony and McGee, who quietly left the room. Gibbs reached for another chair and pulled it up next to Kate.

"Haswari has a lot to answer for, but he did save your life by almost giving his own."


	2. Chapter 2

It was late. Gibbs eased himself more comfortably in the chair, and carefully tucked the blanket he had been given around Kate. He had taken Kate to task about her handling of Haswari. Haswari had kidnapped her. Then Haswari had drowned to save Kate's life.

He was alive. Technically. But machines were breathing for him, and this was a battle he could easily lose. Ari Haswari was a gambler, a risk taker who needed to push the edge to feel alive. That made him dangerous. But this? This was something quite different.

Ari had quite literally surrendered his life for Kate. That did not gel with what Gibbs knew of the man. A quiet heads up from Fornell indicated that Mossad would not be overly concerned if their officer died. He was useless to them now.

Gibbs instinctively disliked the ruthlessness with which Haswari had carried out his mission. Allies did not shoot allies. But the ruthlessness with which his agency had cut him loose did not sit well either.

If Haswari survived what would he have left? His career was obviously over. According to Fornell, he had no family, and now, apparently, no country.

Kate thought he was worth saving. She was stubbornly prepared to fight for him, even though he had kidnapped her. Even now, she should be concentrating on her own recovery but she was curled up by Ari's bedside willing him to pull through.

Gibbs leaned forward. Kate was curled in the chair, wrapped in the blanket. Abby had dashed out to get her some warm night things. Kate had soft pyjamas on, with sleep socks and a soft fleecy cream robe. She looked absurdly young.

She was leaning against the bed, her head resting against the pillows, one hand curled loosely around Ari's wrist.

Haswari lay motionless, the quiet shoosh of the machine doing his breathing for him, and the gentle beeping of the monitors the only sounds in the room. Gibbs got to his feet and stretched a little. Moving around the other side of the bed, he lent over Ari and spoke quietly.

"Kate sees something in you worth saving, Haswari. Fight for her sake and I'll do what I can for you. Understand this, I own your ass, do not even think about hurting her."

He gently squeezed the man's hand. "Fight Ari, for Kate's sake!" For a second he could have sworn that the eyelashes flickered a little. But there was only the insistent sound of the machines.

xoxoxox

Five a.m. Gibbs sat up and stretched again.

They had been monitoring Ari's vital signs all night. There had been very little change. Still some cause for hope, but it was getting more fragile by the hour.

He would never forget the look of hope in Kate's eyes, as the nurse made yet another seemingly fruitless round, checking the monitors, and noting something down on Ari's chart. Hope crushed as Kate asked the question and the nurse shook her head.

After the woman had left, Gibbs looked across at Kate. She was leaning over the bed again, holding Ari's hand.

"Why don't you try talking to him?"

xoxoxoxox

She waited until Gibbs had gone in search of coffee and some breakfast for them both. Then she took his hand and leaned forward, this seemed so intimate she almost felt awkward. _He's unconscious, he might not even hear you Kate, just say it._

"Ari, why did you do it? Any of it? But why die for me? Because you did, back there." She paused, emotions flooding. "I know you felt responsible, but we hardly met under good circumstances."

She stroked down his forearm gently. His skin had lost the dreadful chill from the icy water. "I can't believe you took that risk. For me."

"I can't believe I feel like this." She hung her head, laughed a little. "I can't get my head around it. You made me... love you."

Pause for thought. "Hold that thought Ari. It's true. I have never said that to anyone before. And now I'm saying to the man who pushed me around, who provoked me, who made me come at him with a scalpel... who kidnapped me for chrissakes..."

Silence... unending silence.

"But you loved me too. Didn't you? You might have been testing me, but I knew you wouldn't harm me. Gibbs may be right. The eyes can lie. But your eyes weren't lying to me, were they?"

She lifted his hand to her cheek. The warmth in his skin strangely reassuring. "Ari... please. Wake up..." She didn't want to beg, but he was so still, so unlike himself. It was tearing her apart what he had done for her.

"Ari..."

The door opened quietly behind her. "Kate..." Gibbs entered with a tray and she turned.

Ari's fingers convulsed in hers. A great shuddering gasp and his back arched hard.

Gibbs' finger was on the bell, as Kate leaned over again. "Ari... hold on... the nurse is coming." He thrashed a little, he wanted the tube out of his throat, she could tell. Panicked brown eyes stared into hers, and Kate clutched his hand tighter.

The nurse arrived. "Mr Todd. Hold still, I'll remove the tube." She released the inflated cuff that held the breathing tube in position, withdrawing it slowly. As soon as it was clear Ari convulsed, and his back arched again. Then he lunged, head down over the side of the bed as he vomited up what appeared to be gallons of water.

Kate supported his head as his body purged itself of the water he had ingested. Her free hand gently rubbed his back as he retched.

A flurry of nurses, and a doctor arrived to take over, and Gibbs quietly guided Kate to the waiting area. She sat in one of the overstuffed chairs and stared up at her boss.

"Mr Todd?"

The faintest suspicion of a grin twitched his lips. "It seemed like a plan at the time."

"Why?"

Gibbs' expression changed. "If they know he's alive they may just come after him. And you." He gave her a hard stare. "Whatever is going on here, Kate, you and Ari are now linked together. They could come after both of you because you survived."

"It doesn't make any sense..."

Gibbs sighed. "Kate. You've been at this game long enough to know these people do not operate on sense."

xoxoxox

Kate moved into the chair and tugged it a little closer to Ari's bedside. He was breathing on his own. He was exhausted, and faced a long road to full recovery... yet Kate could not rid her mind of the question, Why?

"Why, Ari?" she whispered.

His eyelids opened a fraction... and suddenly she was hoping that Gibbs was wrong...


	3. Chapter 3

Ari eased himself down in bed a little. Patience and enforced idleness were not things he was conversant with, but he had never felt so thoroughly exhausted in his life.

For the first four days after regaining consciousness, he had mostly slept. On the fifth day he had awakened with vice-like headache, and the sore throat he already had from the tube manifested itself into a painful throat infection.

He lost some track of time then. Days and nights blurred as his body struggled with a raging temperature, vomiting and aching joints.

His one constant through the misery of his illness... Caitlin.

He turned onto his side and nudged his cheek into a cool spot on the pillow. At first she seemed to be there every minute of every day. Anxiously watching over him. He wasn't used to anyone being so concerned over his welfare. A slight awkwardness had arisen between them.

Then the infection had hit. He squirmed a little at the memory. Lying across Caitlin's knees as she held his head while he vomited into a steel bowl. Caitlin's gentle hands, stroking his back, her cool palm supporting his burning forehead as he retched violently.

Most of the last few days had passed in a blur of pain and nausea. His arms were sore from catheter placement, at some point in his delirium he'd pulled the drip out... twice. They'd struggled to raise a vein, the inside of his forearms were bruised and sore, from the pulling out and a couple of botched attempts to replace.

He had known that the icy water would preserve his body, the detached scientific part of his brain told him that. He had calculated on survival. But not the complications.

Caitlin had been released by the hospital, but he was still too ill to be discharged.

_Discharged to where? Or what?_ Ari closed his eyes. His head was swimming, and the just held in check burning pain in his stomach was waiting to pounce.

xoxoxox

Kate slipped into her regular chair by Ari's bedside. He was still very sick, and she was worried about him.

He appeared to be asleep, curled on his side with the blankets pulled up. The doctors were concerned that he was going through a cycle of severe chills, followed by a high fever and vomiting.

Kate had started to spend her lunch times at Ari's bedside, trying to get him to eat. He had no appetite, and Kate had made it her mission to coax him to eat something, even if it was just a tub of pudding.

Ari was too ill for long discussions on his future, but true to his word, Gibbs with Fornell's help had pulled some strings to try and get him fast-tracked to citizenship. Fornell had a place for him on his team. Ari joining the FBI made sense to Kate.

That was going to have to wait. Ari had a long path to recovery.

He was curled up on his side, facing her, burrowed into the pillows with the covers pulled up. His arm with the drip feed attached resting on top of the covers. Kate reached out and took his hand between both of hers. The line snaked down from the drip bag by the bed. Tape crisscrossed his skin holding the drip line, some of it old and peeling, reinforced by new applications on top. A loop in the line, tape wrapped around his wrist keeping the line secure. She tenderly stroked her fingers over the bruises on his forearm.

He smiled in his sleep.

Kate bent and dropped a gentle kiss to his forehead.

Alone with Ari, she could put the circumstances of their meetings behind her. Curiously, Gibbs who had been Ari's fiercest opponent, truly understood what Ari had risked for Kate.

He was tired, everything ached, and his stomach rebelled at even the thought of food. His medical training warring with the misery of illness. Giving in to Caitlin's gentle coaxing was hard, but she had his best interests at heart.

He remembered the moment he had taken the scalpel away from her, and pulled her up against him. The moment when he realised he had made a big mistake. Caitlin Todd had slithered into a corner of his heart.

He was destined to screw up the mission, every day he thought about her... he just couldn't get Caitlin out of his head.

He was tired of it. Tired of the mission, tired of being part of his father's plan. That was the truth. So he took risks to feel alive and now he had no career, no home and no country.

It would be easy to just fall for Caitlin, and then her life would be at further risk. He had to get out of bed, and put some distance between him and Caitlin before it was too late.

Her gentle hand caressed his head, and he indulged his weakness for this beautiful woman who had captured his heart one last time. He opened his eyes.

"Hi!" She smiled at him.

"Hi" he croaked.

Her arm gently curved around him, and helped him ease into a sitting position. He didn't feel like food, but being with Caitlin was worth the effort.

It was a bit childish he knew, but he leaned into her, resting his head against her shoulder.

After she had gone back to work, he decided he would have to make his move. It would be bad if she fell for him, there was no way out, Mossad would come for him eventually, and he couldn't drag Caitlin into it.

He pushed the bedclothes aside and cautiously swung his legs down. Sitting up like that made him feel nauseous, but he persisted. Slowly he slid down until his feet were touching the floor. Carefully he straightened up, his knees felt like rubber, and he kept a firm grip on the edge of the bed as his legs shook and threatened to dump him on his ass on the floor.

He needed to get away before Caitlin was caught in the crossfire. He peeled away the tape, freeing the drip line and pulled the catheter out of his arm. Dressing in the clothes he had in the locker seemed to take forever. He made his way to the door. The corridor was quiet, and he managed not to run into a nurse from his section.

He made it to the side door, and slipped out quickly. One thought, to put some distance between him and Caitlin... then perhaps she would be safe.


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean, _gone!_" Kate clutched the telephone tight. For a split second she couldn't think straight. Ari had got up off his sick bed and just walked out. However much Kate felt like screaming at the woman on the other end of the phone, calmness and common sense was what was needed.

She listened calmly to what the doctor was telling her, the tension only revealed by the nerve that trembled in her jaw. Thanking the woman, she hung up and squeezed her fingers into fists to still the trembling. He was very sick, he needed rest and medication, but for some quixotic reason of his own, he had chosen to vanish.

She had an idea why. Knowing why wasn't a help to finding him though. She looked across at Tony, for once engrossed in a phone conversation of his own, rather than listening in to hers _for a change._ Tony had expressed his dislike of Ari; she didn't want to choose him. McGee would be unlikely to want to help. McGee's mixture of disapproval and fear of Ari would not help her to find her missing Mossad agent.

_Not Gibbs_. He might have been prepared to forgive Ari some of his transgressions, but if he knew that Ari had disappeared, that would be enough for Gibbs to mistrust Ari's motives.

Ari was trying to save her. She knew it in her gut. He had already risked, and nearly lost, his life once for her. She had to find him before he lost his life for good.

There was really only one person who would back her all the way, through loyalty to friendship rather than saving Ari. Kate knew she was going to ask Abby to help her.

xoxoxox

He only had the contents of his pockets, and a tiny back up resource, carefully hidden, that only he knew about. False driver's licence in the name of Michael Collins, a loaded throwaway, and five thousand dollars. He knew that this would have to last him.

He was completely exhausted, his temperature had shot back up, and he was getting weaker. He was in no condition to continue running, so he had to get under cover and do it quickly. He bought some over the counter painkillers and joined the queue for a bus.

Leaving the city was out of the question. Ari held it together and rode the bus looking for a likely place. He had to put distance between himself and Caitlin.

Finally he found it. Small, old, a bit shabby, somewhere that wore indifference like a badge. He paid two weeks in advance for a first floor room, and wearily climbed the stairs.

The room was shabby and unremarkable, but clean. He locked the door. Positioned his throwaway where it would be concealed but easy to access, and carefully stashed his money where it would be safe. He stripped, and crawled into bed. Cracking the bottle of water, he popped a couple of painkillers and lay down.

He pulled the covers around him trying to get warm. His vision was blurring, and then the shivers began to take hold.

xoxoxox

"So what do you think he will do?" Abby leaned forward. If it hadn't been so serious, Kate would have smiled at her eagerness.

"He needs to get under cover. He probably has very limited resources, and he's very weak." Kate composed herself for a moment; imagining Ari seriously ill, all alone and trying to run from Mossad to draw them away from her was distressing in the extreme. "Abbs, we need to check motels, cheap rental apartments and anywhere he could go to ground."

"So you think he's still here?" Abby turned her attention to her computer terminal.

"He's too sick to get far without help, and we know he has no help. He may have a small stash of resources; some money, an identity... but I know Ari... he will have a plan to sink into the background somewhere. Lie up..." Kate almost choked again. According to the doctor, he could slip into a coma and die without the right treatment. She was not about to let that happen.

"There's an algorithm that I can run." Kate stared, "McGee's not the only mathematician here you know." Abby said defensively. "We can make a map of the least and most likely places, so you have some kind of search pattern."

Kate swallowed, "Abby we need to keep this between ourselves."

Abby looked up from her screen and patted Kate's hand. "I know." She said.

xoxoxox

Gibbs watched Kate. She seemed tense, jumping a couple of times when her phone rang. He knew she had been visiting Haswari at least twice a day for the past week. She had been happy, even though she was clearly worried over Haswari's health.

Gibbs sighed. He wasn't happy about the relationship, but Haswari had almost died for Kate, and that did count for something. It didn't wipe out what he had done in autopsy, but it was a start.

Now something had changed. Gibbs quietly reached for the phone. If something was going down, he had to know.

xoxoxox

Kate had been to eight seedy, run down, and unpleasant looking dives looking for Ari. It was depressing. Each failure hope evaporated a little more. The eighth negative, blank-faced response she was almost ready to burst into tears. She walked back to her car.

He was standing there. Leaning against her car, casually, almost as though he was just dropping in on a friend.

"Did you think I wouldn't care?" He asked in a conversational sort of way.

She shivered, and stepped forward, Gibbs' arms wrapped tight around her.

xoxoxox

His temperature soared, his joints throbbed and his vision was blurred. He was drifting, fighting to stay conscious.


	5. Chapter 5

After the twelfth negative, even Gibbs was starting to think that Ari had somehow managed to leave town. He looked across at Kate, intending to say something.

"One more." He hated hearing the distress in her voice.

"Kate, it's not your fault."

"I should have known. He drowned for me, Gibbs, I should have known he would do something like this."

"Ari is a risk taker..." Gibbs sighed, "Kate, there is nothing you could have done."

For a moment, silence, and he wondered if she even heard. "One more, and then we have a rethink." Her voice not quite steady.

"You're the boss," he said quietly, bolstering her confidence a little. It was as much about Kate's faith in herself as finding Haswari.

xoxoxox

Kate held out the photograph and tried not to scream in frustration as the old man peered at it. He shook his head.

Ignoring the crippling kick of disappointment, she tried to be gracious as she put the picture back in her folder. Then he seemed to hesitate.

"Miss..." she turned back. "Can I see him again."

This time he took his time. While Kate fidgeted, and Gibbs stood silently by.

"I dunno, but could be Collins in room 14."

"Room 14... where... where..." Kate practically leapt over the counter, as the old man gestured.

"Room 14, first floor."

xoxoxox

She knocked in a fever of impatience. Twice, three times. "Ari?... It's me... Ka...Caitlin."

Gibbs reached down and turned the passkey that the old man had given them.

The room was not empty as she had supposed.

"Oh my god..." Kate was through the door and kneeling by the bed. Gibbs took one quick look and instinctively reached for his phone.

Kate took Ari's wrist and felt for a pulse, his skin was cold and clammy to the touch. The sheets he was lying on were drenched with sweat. His pulse was barely there, and she quickly realised the thing she had dreaded since the doctor's call, he had slipped into unconsciousness.

There was nothing she could do for him beyond pulling a blanket over him in an attempt to warm him a little.

She huddled as close as she could get. Putting her arms around him she bent over, rubbed her cheek gently against his sweat-soaked hair trying to offer a little comfort even though she doubted he could hear her. "Hang on Ari,... please..."

xoxoxox

Kate made herself comfortable in the chair by his bed. She would stay to the bitter end, if end was to come. The infection raging through his body was likely to take his life. According to the doctors. They had done what they could medically. To Kate's horror, they had made him 'comfortable', and told her that there was nothing more they could do. The next few hours would determine if Ari would live or die.

Kate moved the chair a little closer to the bed, and took hold of his hand. "I'm here, Ari," she said quietly "you have to fight... please... for me." No movement, no sign, nothing but the constant steady beep from the machine monitoring Ari's condition.

It was curious, she thought, the one man she would have bet money on to fight off something like this, was Ari. She had no idea why she felt that, but it seemed ingrained in Ari's stubborn nature to cling to life.

xoxoxox

She was a little cold, she pulled the blanket closer around her body and re-settled in the uncomfortable chair. He was still with her. His breathing was laboured, the doctor had arranged for an oxygen mask and she listened to each wheezing breath as he clung fiercely to life. She knew that the hope in her heart was more faith than science, but somehow he was still there. He wasn't just going to let go. As long as she kept faith, and physical contact with him, he would still be with her.

She couldn't understand it. Ari Haswari pushed her buttons in ways that she had never really experienced before. She wanted to hate him for the way he had pushed her to the limit, for the bullet in Gerald's shoulder, for the distress he had put her through with Bassam, and then Hamid.

And Hamid had nearly killed them both.

Ari's sacrifice for her. She could feel the lump in her throat and the weight on her soul. The risk he had taken to save her life. _Damn_. She wiped the tear from her cheek. She couldn't... _didn't want to_ feel like this.

Her fingers were wrapped securely around his hand, periodically she could feel the slight pressure of his fingers as he drifted on the edge of consciousness. He knew she was there, on some level.

xoxoxox

Hours had passed, his breathing was still laboured, but he was showing signs of improvement. Kate started to talk to him again, things about her childhood, anything to reach him.

He awoke to pain, and a deep chill in his body. He could hear Caitlin's voice quietly talking to him, feel her hand holding his, but opening his eyes was too hard. If he concentrated he could close his grip on her hand. He willed his fingers to move, and suddenly her other hand was stroking his cheek. The tender kiss on his forehead stirred his emotions, and he was too weak to resist.

Relief surged through Kate as he finally opened his eyes. "Ari..." She leaned closer as his fingers tightened their grip on his hand, "Don't ever scare me like that again" she whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

Kate hurried down the corridor. The doctor had taken a battery of tests when Ari was brought back to hospital, and she had called Kate. The results were back. It wasn't particularly good news.

Kate had put the receiver down. For a very long moment she stared at the blotter on her desk as though she had never seen it before. The doctor would not go into details over the phone, and Ari's next of kin had been called.

Kate was startled, as far as they were aware Ari had no next of kin.

Now she hurried to her appointment, she had to know the truth, so she could prepare for the worst. She reached the doctor's office and knocked.

"Come in."

Kate entered. A dark-haired young woman half turned in her seat. Kate glanced at her, as she fumbled out an apology for her tardiness.

The kindly middle-aged doctor waved her to a seat. Kate sat, feeling confused she took a closer look at the young woman.

"Ziva David." The dark-haired beauty held out a hand. Kate shook it slightly reluctantly, surprised at the little sting of jealousy that shot through her. Ziva's eyebrow raised, and Kate felt herself blush.

"I'm Ari's sister." She could tell by Ziva's expression that the younger woman had correctly interpreted Kate's look and was amused by it.

The doctor cleared her throat. "Harry Todd…" she raised her eyebrow and glanced at Kate, "test results show that his lungs have been damaged, together with the added exposure after his little jaunt around town… I am afraid he has developed pneumonia." She looked up at both of them, noting the mirror images of growing horror on their faces. "He's still very sick, and in his weakened condition, he may not make it. If he does, he may be an invalid for the rest of his life."

"May?" Kate queried.

The doctor sighed and closed the file. "This is not an exact science, Miss Todd" the eyebrow raised again and Kate fidgeted a little; Gibbs' clever fix on Ari's name was becoming increasingly complicated, "Mr Todd has shown signs of improvement, he's conscious, but I cannot over-emphasize the case. He is on the critical list, and has been moved to ICU. He's been placed in a medically induced coma to allow his body the best possible chance to heal. Three days, and we will take another assessment."

Ziva glanced across at Kate's distressed face. "Can we see him?" She rose smoothly to her feet.

"Yes. He needs the support of his family right now." The doctor's slight hesitation over the word family made Kate blush again. _This was embarrassing_.

* * *

><p>They entered ICU. One occupant, Ari; still, silent, oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, <em>Oh god…<em> Kate pulled up the chair and sat. They had come so far, he had survived drowning, two serious infections, _please give him the strength to fight this. Because I can't face losing him. Not now._ Her trembling fingers reached out and took his hand. The warmth of his skin reassuring her a little. He was still alive, and Ari was a fighter, he wouldn't just give in.

"My brother has no home." Ziva's voice was quiet. There may have been no rebuke implied, but Kate felt the sting of it all the same. The unspoken _he risked his life, and threw away his career for you, _hung heavily on her conscience.

"He has a home with me." Kate whispered.

Ziva studied her for a moment, curious about the American woman who had so entranced her beloved older brother that he would risk so much. Their father was furious, he had no knowledge of Ziva's whereabouts, but when Ziva had not heard from Ari she had made some discreet enquiries.

Using her connections to the FBI she had tried to trace him. The shock of what had happened to him was too much. For the first time in her adult life, Ziva reacted on pure instinct. She loved her brother, she would not let him die alone.

Now she sat by his bedside and listened to each wheezing breath, the soft beeps from the monitors reassuring her he was still alive. Her big, strong brother. The one who had dried her tears as a child, the one who had loved her and looked after her, to whom she had run with all her childhood woes, never Eli her father, but Ari her brother. Eli David might have been the ruthless dominant force in their lives, but it was Ari she loved and trusted.

Seeing him in this condition was breaking her in two. If she lost him, as they had lost Tali, he would not die nameless and stateless as her father intended. Tears welled up in her eyes. Her brother… Blindly she put out a hand.

Kate saw the pain on the younger woman's face, it seemed instinctive to put Ari's hand in his sister's. Both Ziva's hands clasped her brother's and she bent over gently kissing his limply curled fingers. Kate put her arm around Ari's sister. They stayed like that a long time.

* * *

><p>Three days. It had seemed like a lifetime, but Kate headed to ICU with more of a spring in her step, today they would bring him out of the coma and assess his condition. He was better, all the signs were healthier than they had been, but he was still struggling with his breathing. If he had improved enough, they would be starting to wean him off the oxygen.<p>

Ziva was clinging to hope, Kate was not so sure.

She reached ICU and quietly entered. He was alone, and turned his head towards the sound of the door opening. Their eyes met, and suddenly nothing else mattered.

Kate moved into the chair next to his bed, "Ari?" her voice trembled. The dark eyes holding hers held nothing back. He loved her, she knew he did; clumsily he tugged the oxygen mask down.

"Caitlin…" she heard the rasping breath he took just to say her name, gently put her finger to his lips. "ssshhhh" carefully replacing the mask. "Save your strength, Ari," she smiled, "I'm not going anywhere."

His lungs were compromised, the job at the FBI might not be possible as Ari's health might not come up to the standard required, but he was alive. He was too stubborn to die on her.

He watched the tears gather, and marveled that this woman should feel so much for him after all that he had put her through. He reached out and took her hand, he wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He tugged the mask down again.

The door opened.

"Ari?" Kate looked round at the sound of Ziva's voice. The younger woman stepped forward, and Kate moved aside a little to let Ari's sister move closer.

Ziva sat on the bed, as Ari levered himself with some difficulty into a sitting position to gather his weeping sister close.

As Kate wondered whether to leave the siblings alone, Ari held out his hand. She put her hand in his and moved closer, knowing exactly what he was saying to her. He was tired and weak, but he loved her, stateless he may have been but he had a home with her. She had no idea what the future really held, but love would sort it out.


	7. Chapter 7

Ari leaned against the rail at the top of the stairs and bent over slightly, struggling to draw breath. It was only one flight up to Kate's apartment, and there was a lift, but he was refusing to use it. Even though just the simple act of climbing the stairs caused him to have to stop at the top for five minutes.

Stubbornly he persisted. He was better, but this was as good as it was likely to get for a long time. As a doctor he knew that he had to give himself time to heal, and that it would be a long road to recovery.

But at least he had a job. Quiet, restful and out in the open air. Using his _Harry_ _Todd_ identity he had walked into the job office, and walked out twenty minutes later with an introduction to a small garden centre not far from Kate's apartment. It wasn't the FBI, and the pay wasn't much, but the FBI was on hold until he recovered.

_If he ever recovered sufficiently to pass the fitness test._ He straightened, gingerly letting go of the rail, he headed down the hall to Kate's apartment.

* * *

><p>They had finally discharged him, six weeks after Kate and Gibbs had found him half dead in the motel. Kate thought back to that experience as she watched him lay the table for dinner out of the corner of her eye. Looking after Ari had become her second full time job.<p>

Since the chest infections, and the bout of pneumonia, he was different. Quieter, less cocky, and she found herself warming to him even more. Stripped of the arrogance that had fascinated her, she found herself drawn more closely to the gentle and intelligent man behind the arrogant agent that had played with her and tormented her.

He had been discharged with oxygen and a nebulizer, some nights were worse than others. Some nights she stayed up with him as he sat on the edge of the bed, bent over, elbows resting on his knees as his lungs struggled to draw air in. There was little she could say, his health was a subject they circled round carefully. So she sat next to him and said nothing.

He knew she was upset, her silence spoke volumes; but he didn't know what to say. So they pretended that everything was fine.

Curiously it brought them closer than ever. He had no doubt of his love for her or hers for him.

* * *

><p>His job proved to be a godsend, he spent all day cultivating and caring for the plants, mostly alone in the polytunnels away from the main garden centre. He had declared his health issues to the owners at interview, explaining the physical limitations of the damage done to his lungs, and they put him to work where he could take things at his own pace.<p>

So he spent his days amongst living things, nurturing the plants. Gradually his soul began to find rest.

* * *

><p>Gibbs laid the piece of paper carefully on the desk in front of him and looked up at Vance.<p>

"You're sure?" He queried. Hoping that just this once there was a mistake.

"Haswari's old cell are back." Vance leaned forward. "We've spent a year tap-dancing around this issue, now we have no time left."

Gibbs sighed. "Haswari's no threat, hell, the man can barely climb the stairs to his apartment."

Vance raised an eyebrow. "That is not the problem as you very well know. Everyone is all over this. I have SecNav calling me twice a day, wanting to know what we will be doing about the threat on American soil…" he leaned back, "the FBI, the _CIA_ and denials that they are meddling." He scowled to emphasize the point. "You have to bring Haswari in. Whatever Agent Todd thinks."

Gibbs pushed his chair back and got to his feet. "I'll do it, doesn't mean I have to like it."

Vance nodded. When Haswari had attempted to leave, and was found by Gibbs and Kate in the motel, Vance had been kept informed of the situation. Discovering that Kate had opened her home to Haswari had given Vance concerns. Now her life was at risk again, and Haswari's too.

* * *

><p>He found out from <em>Harry's<em> employer where he was working and headed towards the back of the property. Finding a vantage point he paused to observe the younger man.

Knowing that Haswari had seriously compromised his health in a misguided attempt to protect Kate was one thing. But seeing the evidence of the damage done was something else. Ari looked ten years older, even from a distance Gibbs could see that he was breathing with difficulty.

Gibbs walked up to the entrance to the polytunnel, "Ari."

The Israeli turned. "Gibbs." He carefully replaced the plant pot he had been holding, "I've been expecting you."

"Kate told you." Gibbs wasn't sure if he felt relieved or annoyed.

Ari shook his head. "No. She tried very had not to say anything. But I know Caitlin well, she is worried."

Gibbs listened to the quiet hissing breath between each word. Remembering the last conversation he had had with Kate, how hard she had fought to keep Ari out of the investigation. He had to admit she was right, Ari was physically incapable of being involved. He found himself pitying his former nemesis.

He half-turned knowing that Ari would follow.

"I must explain to my employers…"

Gibbs nodded, the regret in Haswari's tone surprised him slightly, but he recognized it for what it was. Haswari was weary of the past, and he had found a measure of peace in a simple job that required no sacrifice.

Along with the pity for Ari's health problems, came the realization that Gibbs envied him a little too. He thought back to Mexico and Mike Franks, how his old friend had just taken off for a simple life.

* * *

><p>Tony watched Kate shuffle papers into a file and close it with a snap. She had not been like herself for two days. His attempts at teasing had met with a harsher response than usual. He was still confused by her continuing allegiance to Haswari, and the Israeli had been living with her since being released from the hospital. He couldn't understand it.<p>

_Or didn't want to understand it…_ Tim's words came back to haunt Tony. Admitting that McGeek was right was crushing Tony's soul, but he was right and however hard he tried, Tony had to admit it.

_Admit it Tony, they're in love…_ McGee in the role of Mephistopheles. Now that was wrong! McGeek had one role in life, his probie! DiNozzo glanced across and caught the vaguest hint of a knowing smile on McGee's face. _Dammit, the universe is all out of kilter._

The elevator doors opened and Gibbs stepped out. Kate looked up from her file, and Tony saw something that looked like fear flash across her face as she saw who was with Gibbs.

Irritably Tony acknowledged that McGeek was right, as Kate virtually flew into Ari's arms.


	8. Chapter 8

"I've… told… you… everything… I know." Ari leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, trying to breathe evenly. He could feel his stress levels rising, but refused to look up at the glass. He could take it. He wasn't going to reach out to Caitlin.

Vance closed the file. He could almost feel Kate's eyes burning through the glass, scorching the back of his neck. The other presence, Vance was trying to ignore.

Gibbs watched his former enemy. Something was definitely not right. He knew Haswari's health was precarious, but something seemed off kilter.

Vance leaned forward again, pushing harder for a response, "What are you leaving out?"

"Noth..ing." Ari's breath caught, and he wheezed. Fumbled for something in his pocket, tried to stand and staggered. Vance half-stood, reaching out to help as the door crashed open.

"Ari." Kate was by his side in a flash. Slipping an arm round him she reached into his pocket and pulled out an inhaler. Holding it to his lips, "breathe in" she ordered. His hand came up and he clutched her hand and the inhaler.

He breathed, inhaling hard, leaning heavily against the wall. Kate helped support him as he struggled to regulate his breathing. Vance moved out of the way as Ducky arrived to take charge.

* * *

><p>Ari sat on the autopsy table as Ducky examined him. "Breathe in." The older doctor instructed. "Breathe out." Ducky moved the stethoscope a couple of inches to the right, "and in again."<p>

Ducky removed the stethoscope from his ears. "Does Kate know?" He asked quietly.

"That within the next two years I will be breathing through a tube?" Ari hung his head slightly, "that within five years I will no longer be able to climb the stairs? That I do not know how long I have left?" He shook his head, "No, Caitlin does not know."

"Ari!"

"I would spare her that." Ari's lips curved upwards in a slight smile, and he shook his head again. "In truth, I cannot tell her." He paused, "I do not know what to say."

The older man nodded, finding himself in rare sympathy with his old enemy. "COPD." He muttered quietly to himself. The younger man nodded.

"I attend the clinic once a week, but there is little that they can do."

"Transplant…"

Ari smiled, "not for me, my friend."

* * *

><p>Kate wrapped her arms across her middle and paced quietly. Gibbs watched her, noted the tension in her back, the frozen look of distress on her face. "Kate…"<p>

She looked up. "Gibbs… I…" she sighed, "Ari is sick, he's been trying to hide it from me, and he thinks I don't know."

"Serious?"

Her lower lip trembled, and her eyes filled with tears. "The clinic wouldn't tell me, but they treat long term terminal cases."

Gibbs silently pulled her into his arms, as she put her head against his shoulder.

"I shouldn't care this much, he kidnapped me, he's done some terrible things…"

"But you do care, Kate." Gibbs eased her back a little, with his hands on her shoulders. "Your compassion and understanding, these are what make you a good agent. Although your choice of soul mate we really could have done without!"

The corner of her mouth quirked up in a little smile, and he was relieved he had managed to break through the pain a little.

"So, what are we going to do about this situation?" She dried her eyes. "Ari knows nothing of their plans now."

"But there is a chance that they might still trust me." Gibbs turned, Ari was standing behind them. Gibbs studied the younger man. Now the details fit together in his mind. He noted the little things that he had seen before, without interpretation they just said that Haswari was not the agent he had been. Now he had the key to the code, and the picture was not a good one.

"You think?" he questioned mildly, giving nothing away. Aware that Kate was staring at them both in horror.

Ari was looking at Kate. "Caitlin, we have no choice."

She shook her head, "there is a choice, Ari… there's _always_ a choice."

Gibbs crossed his arms, "what do you suggest?"

"I go undercover, and give you access." Ari held Gibbs' slightly sceptical gaze. "I can do this." He reached out and took Kate's hand, "I have to…"

Her wavering smile was not convincing, but she nodded, "I know."

Gibbs turned, "we'll work up the details, we only have one shot at this." He looked back at Ari, "if anything is even slightly off, we pull you out, no arguments."

The Israeli nodded, "agreed."

The senior agent walked away, hoping that he wasn't making a mistake. Ari Haswari was sick, and not the agent he had been. Taking a chance on a sick man seemed wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

"Why are we here?" Kate picked up the pace as they headed for the roof. Gibbs close behind. He worried, Ari's intel was good, but Gibbs could sense that his illness was taking a toll on him; and Kate was beside herself with fear over what could go wrong. Three weeks, Ari's former associates didn't really trust him, but they were careless, and Ari exploited that to the full.

As they burst through the door into the light, Gibbs' sixth sense went into hyperdrive. This just might be a trap. Cautiously they spread out, Kate and Tony flanking, Gibbs dead centre.

_Nothing._

Gibbs spun round in frustration, _dammit Ari…_

"GIBBS!" He half-turned, recognising that he was a second too slow and that somehow Kate was in front of him, a shot rang out, a blur of motion and Kate was falling.

Tony ducked down, searching for the sniper, as Gibbs frantically turned to Kate.

She coughed. "oh god… that hurts…" Sitting up slowly, she stared down at the slugs stopped by her vest.

A second shot rang out. "The roof opposite." Tony moved. "I can't get a shot, he's dug in."

"GIBBS… GET DOWN!"

They crouched, as Ari stepped out on the rooftop opposite.

Kate screamed his name as two shots rang out, watching in horror as Ari crumpled and went down. Then she was running, barely aware of Gibbs and Tony following.

They hit the street, and Kate kept going. Running to him. Heedless of her own safety.

She flew up the stairs, and through the door onto the roof.

He was lying on his back, in a spreading pool of his own blood. His right hand grasping his left shoulder again.

"ARI…" Kate swooped and gathered him into her arms. He was shivering from shock and pain, gently she helped him ease onto his side so that he could breathe more easily. Barely aware of the others arriving, she cradled him against her, putting pressure on the wound.

Ari tried to regulate his breathing, but the pain was taking over. He was fighting for breath. Gently, Kate tilted his head back a little. He lay slumped in her arms, barely conscious. "Hang on… Ari…", a tear trickled down her cheek.

A hand squeezed her shoulder, "bus is on its way," Gibbs knelt by her side, gently pushed her hand aside and started to tend to Ari's wound. Kate held on and prayed as Ari passed out.

"Dammit, Gibbs. He shouldn't have been doing this."

Gibbs firmly applied the last piece of tape over the field dressing compressing the wound in Ari's shoulder. "No, he shouldn't." He looked down at the unconscious Israeli. "He wanted to make it right."

"He didn't have to." Kate pulled him closer, "he was too sick, what if…"

Gibbs fixed her with one of his infamous stares. "Kate, Ari is a risk taker. Even when he's trying to make good on something like this. You cannot change that."

"Gibbs…" Kate was openly crying now.

Gibbs put his hands on her shoulders, "Hang in there, Kate. Ari will make it."

* * *

><p>His shoulder hurt like hell, that was his first thought on waking. That it was the same damn shoulder. His second thought, was answered when a gentle hand took his and squeezed it. "Ari, I'm here."<p>

He opened his eyes. She was sitting by his side. "Caitlin." His voice sounded strange to him, and his throat was hurting a little.

"Ari." Her fingers squeezed his again, "I know." She said.

He didn't even try to evade the question. "It's COPD. I don't know how long I have got, you should take your life back."

"That's the thing." She was smiling, her tears bright like jewels, "I don't think I can. I can't just walk away." She tilted her head a little and her lips trembled, "you made me love you, and I can't just give that up."

He loved her more at that moment, despite his resolve to give her up. For her sake.

"Ari, I'm going nowhere. We will work this out. Treatment, we'll get you the best…"

He shook his head. "My stubborn little Caitlin. I should leave you."

"But you won't." Her gentle hand stroked his cheek. "Ari, we are in this together." _Til death us do part_ echoed in the back of her mind, even as she resolved not to say it. The words would have no power if she didn't give them it.

* * *

><p>"Haswari came through." Gibbs sighed as he closed the file.<p>

"She's too good an agent to lose," Vance scowled, "what can we do to keep her?"

"Kate's decided that she's going to stay with him, I thought you had a solution?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.

"Ziva David has been offered to us as a liaison." Vance narrowed his eyes in suspicion, "Turns out she's Haswari's younger half-sister. She joins us tomorrow."

Gibbs smiled quietly.


	10. Chapter 10

_Seven years later_

He drove out of town, heading towards the island ferry. Kate had moved her family out to the island as Ari's condition had reached the point where he had had to give up his job at the garden centre.

Gibbs had been a witness at Kate and Ari's wedding. Between them Gibbs and Vance had found a way that Kate could be more office based, increasing her work as a profiler and taking a backseat so she would be free to care for her husband when he needed her.

Their daughter was born some seven months after her parents wedding, and Ari found a new joy in watching his child grow. It was after Tali's birth that Ari agreed to being placed on the transplant register.

Two years after moving to the island, finally a donor match had been found.

Now Ari was coming home for the first time since the operation, and Gibbs was taking a week to help Kate.

* * *

><p>For the first time since the news that a donor had been found, Caitlyn Haswari allowed herself a small dream of the future. That her beloved husband would see his child become an adult, walk her down the aisle, dance with her on her wedding day.<p>

His hand gently closed over hers. "My Caitlyn…" his voice, warm, gentle, still the man she loved. Kate turned, and pulled him into her embrace.

" I love you." She whispered.

He nodded, resting his forehead against hers, he held her close, permitting himself a very small dream of a golden future with his Caitlyn, and his beautiful little girl.

He would take a cocktail of drugs every day for the rest of his life, but it was worth it to have his time with his loved ones. His wife and daughter, his sister… they could heal together.

* * *

><p>He pulled up outside the small house, and got out of the car. High above him he could hear the sound of birds, the marshes away to his left curving gently round, the beach just feet away.<p>

"Uncle Gibbs!" He turned, she was racing towards him down the path. He pulled the gate open and she leapt into his arms.

"Tali." He scooped her up, pushed her unruly dark brown hair back a little as her arms wound around his neck. She put her head down on his shoulder.

"Daddy's coming home." He smiled, he could hear the love in her voice.

"I know."

"Then he's never going away again, ever… he's going to stay with us forever and ever."

Gibbs hugged his six year old god-daughter tightly, inexplicably feeling something very like a lump in his throat. Haswari had done something right. Something to atone for his past sins.

* * *

><p>Kate pulled on to the tiny ferry and braked.<p>

"Home." Ari's quiet voice held a hint of tears, and she took his hand and squeezed.

"Tali can't wait, Ziva was going to come with me, but she decided to give us this time together."

He raised his hand and kissed hers gently. "We have all the time in the world now."

"Gibbs and Ducky are there too."

"Family."

She smiled at that. Gibbs and Ducky had both warmed to Ari as they spent more time together.

The tricky part was Ziva. Brother and sister had had their ups and downs. Ari's illness had been difficult for Ziva to cope with or understand. Seeing him in the hospital immediately after the transplant had nearly broken the fierce young woman.

Even now, Kate was not too sure of Ziva's response.

She pulled up in front of their home, noting that Gibbs and Ducky were already present, and Ziva.

Ari pushed the car door open and got to his feet. Kate let him have the moment. He stepped forward and pushed the gate open.

"DADDY!" Tali launched herself down the steps, along the path. Ari crouched down as she flung herself into his arms, her own round his neck.

Ari crushed his daughter against his body, ignoring the slight pain and stiffness in his joints. Picking her up was beyond him, but he could hold her and he hung on tight as she leaned into him, burying her face against his neck.

* * *

><p>After dinner, Ari moved to the back veranda and lay down on the sun lounger, Tali climbed up to lie beside him. He gathered her against him and drifted a little.<p>

She lay still beside him, her little hand gently tracing the top part of the great scar that marred his skin, running from the top of his chest almost to his waist. Knowing that they had cut her daddy right open to take away his poorly heart and lungs, and give him new ones. He was there with her, and that was all that mattered to Tali. Having her daddy back.

A footstep. Ari turned his head a little not wanting to disturb his daughter.

"I had my doubts, but I'm glad you did it." Ziva pulled up a small chair and sat down next to them. "I want you to be around for a long time to come."

He could hear the break in her voice, and in the fading light he could not be certain if she was crying, but he reached for her hand.

"I could not leave you, or Caitlyn and Tali."

As the light faded they stayed like that and Ari felt the peace of his home sink in. He had a future. He would see his daughter grow. And grow old with his Caitlyn, surrounded by his family. And that was all that mattered now.


End file.
